“Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do.”
– Jesus (Luke 23:34)
These words weren’t spoken in a moment of peace or comfort. They were spoken while Jesus hung on a cross, beaten, mocked, and betrayed. In His deepest pain, He still chose forgiveness.
But here’s something we often confuse: forgiveness is not the same as reconciliation.
Forgiveness is a decision you make in your heart. It’s a release. It’s saying, “I’m not going to let what you did keep poisoning my spirit.” Forgiveness frees you, it cuts the cord that ties you to the weight of resentment and bitterness. It doesn’t require an apology. It doesn’t require closure. It doesn’t even require the other person to still be in your life.
Reconciliation, though? That’s something else.
That requires trust. That requires change. That requires both people to show up with honesty, accountability, and growth. And not every relationship is meant to be restored.
Just because I forgave you doesn’t mean I’m setting your place back at my table.
And just because I’m not setting your place doesn’t mean I’m holding a grudge.
It doesn’t mean I wish you harm. In fact, I hope you eat. I hope you grow. I hope you heal, succeed, and live in peace… just not at my table.
We can want the best for someone, and still know that letting them close again would only bring chaos, hurt, or disruption. Boundaries aren’t bitterness. They’re wisdom. They’re growth. They’re protection.
So let’s stop guilting ourselves into thinking that if we truly forgive, we must reconcile.
Jesus forgave those who crucified Him, but He didn’t invite them to dinner. Forgiveness is commanded. Reconciliation is conditional. And wisdom is knowing the difference.
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